Here are some of my favorite quotes:
"Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays up all night
wondering if there really is a Dog?"
"Two wrongs don't make a right--three lefts do."
"Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana."
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest"
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
"Madness takes its toll; please have exact change"